It has been a while since last wrote and I need to acknowledge a couple of events.

First, my good friend Lee Ann Slayton passed. If anything, her smile is brighter than ever.

Second, my good friend Frank Butterfield released a CD version of “The Communion of Light: Creating Money.” I have talked about this series in the past, and still recommend it. It is available in time for Christmas, so you can buy it for your friend “who really needs it” and then borrow it from her/him so you can hear it just because you are curious . BTW: This one of those gifts that gives you back, so feel free just to get one for yourself. Find out more here.

When I heard Abraham speak of paddling downstream – or trying too hard to “go with the flow,” I envisioned a determined person with a steely-eyed resolve, digging their paddle into the water and forcing themselves to go downstream faster than the current. I equated it with a sort of spiritual gluttony, where someone gets a little insight and gobbles up as much as they can, as if it will get away from them if they don’t. Or they see something they want, and they try to do more faster to make it come quicker.

Little did I know, I would soon find my own way of paddling downstream – a Super Mario Brothers way. Picture me doing a wild-eyed Wario driving a souped-up water cart, and Dong Kong riding shotgun and slinging magic, exploding pink and purple mushrooms at any rocks in my path.

Okay, it’s not like I woke up one day and decided I was going to be a complete idiot.

It’s more like I was wandering around in my consciousness/belief system like it was a big, stacked-block Jenga game, found a key block in the center and said, “Let’s see what happens if I get rid of this one.”

Backing up a bit, if you have been reading this blog you know that I have found a way to release emotional structures called sentinels, which are simply the vibrational energy of a block. First, I use tapping to release attachment to the sentinel. Then, once the emotional attachment is dissipated, I allow the sentinel to return to Source Energy.

So I wondered what would happen if I applied that technique to a worn-out belief – one that intellectually I had moved past, but still dwell in from time to time (okay, more often than I admit to):

Victimhood

So I tapped on:

It took a few more rounds than expected, because I was more attached to it than I cared to admit. But soon I released it and watched it return home to God.

Two days later I became very ill.

I stood up and had what I thought to be an asthma attack (which I’ve never experienced before). I became dizzy and couldn’t breathe. It seemed every part of my lungs were blocked. I made my way back to my desk and finished my work day. As long as I limited activity, everything was cool.

Except that my left leg started hurting. I couldn’t stand or even remain vertical without the pain becoming so intense I had to sit or lie down.

Okay, so about this time one might think this guy should be in the ER with tubes in both ends getting EKGs, EEGs, MRI’s, & CAT’s. That’s not me. I knew my body was telling me something. My lungs indicated I was not allowing Spirit or Source Energy to do its thing. My leg symbolized resistance to moving forward on a project that was almost manifest. Piece of cake. (Well, sort of.)

So, what had happened?

Let’s first take a look at what victimhood is.

Walking around in physical shoes is a trial-and-error thing. When we try something and its manifestation is not to our liking, it doesn’t feel good. That creates a conflict which also doesn’t feel good. So what happens if we try, say, 20 different things that don’t feel good?

We need a filtering system to keep us from being in a state of total overwhelm.

One filtering system that we have created – and is often passed from generation to generation – is the idea that some things happen to us that are not our fault. We are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And we can’t do anything about those things.

It would seem victimhood would feel bad, but on closer inspection it is a story we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better.

It also serves to keep conflict management focused on what is going on in our lives right here and now.

However, as we become more and more aware, and as we become more adept at distinguishing what we don’t want from what we do want, we can accept more responsibility for what is manifested in our lives. Therefore we become better at conscious co-creating. We are the victim of fewer and fewer things.

Or put in another way, we are quicker to catch ourselves when we create victim stories. Once aware of the stories, we can use our emotional guidance system to guide us to create what we want from the situation.

So I was working in several spheres in my life last week. In addition to my practice, I was co-producing Spiritual Tools that Work Part 2, with Paul Zelizer. I was involved in an ongoing JV partnership where the other person was not doing what they agreed to do and I felt responsible to pick up the slack. I was also in the process of remodeling our house.

The combination of responsibilities was creating discomforting stress. I reduced the levels of stress using blame, the false face of victimhood. I blamed my JV partner, so I couldn’t work on that. I blamed paint fumes for making me angry when I painted, so I couldn’t do anything about that.

On the positive side, taking those activities off the table allowed me to put my attention on the aspects of my life where I could be more effective: my practice and Spiritual Tools. On the other hand, feeling like a victim was starting to become rather transparent.

Soooo…..

I released the belief system of victimhood, and the crap hit the fan.

My filtration mechanism was gone, and I now had to deal with all of my stresses simultaneously. The more I tried to ignore my victim tendencies, the more they clamored for attention. “You want to see victimhood? I’ll show you victimhood!” And my body – knowing I listen to it – did me the “favor” of expressing this battle smack in my face as pain.

Now, ten days after the sudden onset of pain, I find I have crossed over a bridge and cannot go back.

• My perceptions of the role of victimhood and blame have shifted.
• I look at situations and there is an emptiness where blame used to live.
• By necessity, I must recognize and resolve conflict quicker. And I am getting by.
• I find that I need to release my body from the role of being a “lightning rod” for unattended stresses, and rely more on my emotional guidance system.

By paddling downstream, am I ahead of the game? Maybe. I’ll let you know when it doesn’t hurt to walk.

Oh well….Next time I’ll tell you the results of my next project: releasing my attachments to Time and Space. Kidding. Kidding!

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