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No matter what change you want to make in your life--increased abundance, weight loss, changing a destructive habit, getting out of an abusive relationship, recovering from a serious health issue, changing careers, finding a mate--all involve the same three mental steps:
- Intent
- Belief
- Expectation
1. Intent
Intent usually involves a deep, profound dissatisfaction. You reach the end of your rope and declare that the situation you are in is unacceptable. At this point, you are at a fork in the road. You either consciously decide that you are going to do something about it, or you subconsciously decide that you are a victim of the world and slip into a state of powerlessness and accept the label of depression–which makes you more powerless, and eligible for drugs that make you even more powerless.
Mustering intent involves admitting your anger. You have to acknowledge your anger and dissatisfaction with your current situation. Once you do, you can explore those things that make you angry, particularly anger and hate directed toward yourself. Following and examining the anger will lead you to the life decision or vow you made that is keeping you stuck in your current situation. These life turning points can take the form of some variation of the following:
- I am bad. (I need to be punished)
- Rich people are not authentic.
- When I get older, I'm going to eat what I want, when I want.
- I promise to be perfect (so my mother or father will love me)
- I'm never going to be like my mother.
These are but a few examples.
Once you uncover these life-determining thought forms, you can consciously decide to change them. An effective technique to make this change is a variation of Dr. Pat Carrington's Choices Method. I'll use the last example above to demonstrate.
Mary has vowed never to be like her mother. Naturally, she doesn't do those things she hates about her mother. But she may also reject the good qualities and habits that her mother had. So if her mother was successful, had good work habits and people skills, Mary, with her vow not to be like her mother, might struggle financially and have poor people skills.
So we want to release the vow and replace it with something more empowering. The set-up statement may look like this:
Even though I vowed never to be like my mother, I release that vow and accept with gratitude the skills and qualities I inherited that will help me achieve my goals.
Rub on the sore spot or tap on the karate chop point and repeat 3 times:
Even though I vowed never to be like my mother, I release that vow and accept with gratitude the skills and qualities I inherited that will help me achieve my goals.
Now tap three rounds. On the first round, tap using the reminder phrase:
I vowed never to be like my mother
Tap the second round, tap using the reminder phrase :
I release that vow and accept with gratitude the skills and qualities I inherited that will help me achieve my goals.
And tap the third round alternating the two. For example, tap on the eyebrow while repeating:
I vowed never to be like my mother
Then tap on the side of the eye repeating:
I release that vow and accept with gratitude the skills and qualities I inherited that will help me achieve my goals.
And so on. Make sure you end with the new positive phrase.
Repeat this exercise at least three times a day for three weeks to establish a new pattern of manifestation.
2. Belief
You have to believe that the change you are making is possible. Steve Martin used to joke,
"You can be a Millionaire and never pay taxes.
You ask, ‘Steve, how can this be?'
Well, first, get a million dollars."
The reason this joke is funny is that we believe getting a million dollars is the impossible part of Steve's claim. We don't doubt rich people can avoid paying taxes.
If you can't believe you can achieve your life change, it won't happen. You won't do what it takes to succeed, and if you do, you will find ways to self-sabotage to make yourself right, that it was impossible. Many people fail in achieving their goals because they aren't able to see themselves doing what it is they want. Some people can even see others making the change, but they believe that they can't do it, that they are somehow defective.
For some people the solution may be as simple as lowering their goal to a point where they can believe they can achieve it. Once that goal is achieved, they can set a new goal higher. (See Julie's Spiritual Space, 8. The Magic Card.)
For others, they have "tried everything" with no success and have given up. This frustration is common with people who are trying to break a habit. They have tried will power, diets, pills, etc. but have not addressed the underlying emotion that creates the anxiety that the destructive behavior suppresses.
Typically, the solution in this case would involve examining self-directed anger, guilt and shame, and using EFT to take the charge out of them. A decision or vow may have been made, so you would use the Choices Method to restructure it. Once the underlying issue is quelled, you can use the Choices Method to alter the perception of impossibility.
Even though I believed that losing weight was impossible for me, I now recognize that every day, more and more subtle changes are taking place in the way I feel, the way I look, and the choices I make.
3. Expectation
Expectation is about trust. The Universe responds to and gives you what you expect. Many people have tried to change their world with affirmations:
I'm so happy and grateful that I am a millionaire
I'm so happy and grateful that I am a millionaire
I'm so happy and grateful that I am a millionaire
But if you expect that these affirmations will have no effect, then they will have no effect.
If you trust the Universe will provide, it will.
An example I use - I'm not sure if it came from the Secret or from the Teachings of Abraham - is that of placing an order. If you place an order with Amazon.com, you expect that three days later, a book will be delivered to your door. You trust that all the behind-the-scenes stuff, the packaging, the shipping, the shipment by the post office, will all be taken care of and the book will arrive.
You don't call back an hour later and wonder where the book is. You don't order it again on the second day because you haven't seen it yet. You just know that you have done your part, and now the rest of the Universe is working on your behalf to bring to you what you set into motion.
Likewise, you have to trust that the Universe is doing all the behind-the-scenes stuff to bring about your life change. People usually have that kind of trust about most aspects of their life. Yet, when it comes to that which they are dissatisfied with, the trust fails.
One technique you can use to eliminate the "reasons" you don't trust is what Gary Craig calls the Tail-ender Technique. Simple state your goal as an affirmation; then when your objections come up, tap on them and eliminate them. So for instance, if you affirm,
I'm so happy and grateful that I am a millionaire,
And you think,
Yeah, right, you've never made more than $50,000 in a year.
You would tap on:
Even though I'm afraid I'll never make more than $50,000 a year...
Or
Even though I'm afraid I'm unable to make a million dollars...
So you say your affirmation again and then you might think,
Making a million dollars clear will be a lot of hard work.
And so you would tap on
Even though I'm afraid becoming a millionaire will be a lot of hard work...
And so on until you have no more limiting beliefs. Once the limiting beliefs are gone, you should have no more obstacles to trusting the Universe and allowing your change to occur.
EFT practitioner George Duisman shared with me a technique that could be useful here, the Give Me Insight Technique. But instead of insight, we give ourselves peace. Use the format demonstrated above for the Choices Method.
Even though I have trouble trusting the Universe to come through for me, I give myself the inner peace I need to allow the process to occur.
While many people will be able to make their life transformation on their own, others may be stuck and need help. A person whose car gets stuck will do what it takes, such as paying $400 to get their car on the road again. But a person who gets stuck in their life may wait it out, remain stuck and powerless, sometimes for the rest of their days, rather than get the help they need.
Please call me for help if you need it.
In the meantime, if a life change isn't happening fast enough for you, evaluate where you are in terms of your intent, belief, and expectation.
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