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| Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time
of getting together with friends and family to express gratitude for the abundance in
our lives. Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa are supposedly a time of rejoicing,
giving and sharing. But for some individuals, the cheer just isn't there. For them,
holiday emotions can range from uncomfortable to anxious to depressing.
I like Blue Collar Comedy Ron White's description of why he hates holiday dinners,
sitting at the table with his family. Invariably, his mother would ask what is going on in
each of the sibling's lives. His sister, the lawyer, talks about the pro bono cases she has
been working on and how she is serving the community. His brother, the doctor, talks of a
new surgical procedure. Now it is Ron's turn. Ron replies,
"Well, I developed a new joke about the time I caught my [certain appendage] in the
toaster."
The holidays just seem to bring out our feelings of inadequacy:
- I don't have time to handle all this shopping/decorating/cooking.
- I'm obligated to give presents that I can't afford to people who don't need them or want them.
- How come I never get as much as I give?
- Will the relatives notice that I put on weight over the year?
- What if they ask about my job/spouse, which I lost?
- If I have to see Uncle Harry, I'm not going.
- Are my gifts good enough?
- Is my cooking good enough?
- Everyone seems happy except me. What is wrong with me?
- I don't have anyone special to spend Christmas with.
- It just isn't the same since my husband/wife/child died.
Holiday blues are often related to childhood experiences of the holidays. A person may have
made a "decision" about the holidays based upon their emotional reactions to either a
specific event or a series of events. Other people may have had a trauma occur around the
holidays such as the death of a loved one, an accident, or an illness. Suppressed emotions
from these experiences can then either surface overtly, or simmer just below the surface to
create an undercurrent of emotions that color the holiday experience.
A common defense mechanism for someone with the holiday blues is to put on a
"Bah Humbug" attitude, gratified by an endless stream of people trying to cheer that person
up. Others will put on a false smile, while inside they are sad and lonely. Still others get
through it with alcohol.
Another way people cope is to treat themselves as "special" by allowing themselves to
eat what they want until the new year--thinking they'll go on a diet as a New Year's
Resolution. Or they may pamper themselves to a special bottle of wine, or buy themselves
a big gift to compensate for their perception of lack of love they might be experiencing.
Presented with the opportunity, however, these people probably would not think of spending
the same money to change their perception so that the holidays become a celebration to look
forward to and enjoy.
With Emotional Freedom Techniques, more commonly known as EFT, people have a way to
get out from under the holiday blues. Just because "it has always been this way," doesn't
mean one is stuck there.
It takes a lot of will and commitment to make a change in our lives. We often cannot
see a way out of our situation. We get into a rut. However, if we use EFT to remove the
energy from the emotions that are like a weight, then the rut is not so deep. Keep using
EFT to work on the emotions, and the rut can become insignificant and a life change is
possible.
I encourage clients to try to resolve their own issues with EFT, and have developed
an eBook to help them do so. [Download the free EFT Quick-Start Method.]
But in the case of holiday blues, the core issue is probably something that should be
worked on with a professional. Dr. Glen Depke, ND, EFT practitioner for Dr. Mercola,
recommends that anytime a person is dealing with a core issue, he or she should get
professional help. "Everyone has their own agenda [blind spots], and you need a professional
to help you get beyond the agenda to the core issue."
© 2007 Chip Engelmann
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